Introduction

A lack of clear guiding principles will expose even the most robust character to the mercy of chance. A lifetime of bad habits and lazy decision-making reinforced by ingrained misconceptions and social conditioning eroding any sense of direction and purpose.

On outward appearance, my life seemed to be propelling itself along a satisfactory trajectory, but any external verification of a successful existence was being undermined by the increasing sense of aimlessness that occupied my thoughts.

I was not long out of a failed relationship, and more pressingly a mental breakdown.

I didn’t know who I was or what I stood for. Personal interactions were tortuous at best, and I was retreating into my shell and an alarming rate. I had my finger firmly pressed on the self-destruct button. Inwardly screaming at myself to take it off proved to be a useless tactic, as part of me seemed sadistically intent on holding it down. 

The rebuilding process I knew I had in front of me was a daunting one, I’d been here before some 10 years earlier. But this time it felt different. This particular “hard time” I was having seemed to have hit me with such ferocity that I had been rocked to my very core. 

I have an inquisitive nature, and in hindsight, this has served me well. As a consummate Googler, if I have a physical injury, acquiring knowledge about the physiology of the situation can help me understand what is going on, why the pain is there, and what I need to do to make sure it heals as effectively as possible. 

The decision to apply the same level of inquiry to my mental state and turn the locus of attention inwards was a scary, but ultimately fruitful one. It was time to find out what was going on in my mind, and develop a strategy to mitigate the causes of my internal struggles, as well as strengthen my ability to deal with them as and when they inevitably arise in the future.

• Where is my life heading?
• Which way should I turn?
• Why do I find it so hard to make difficult life decisions?
• Who am I?

These are important questions, and if you’ve ever asked yourself questions like these, and not had an answer, then you might find this article useful.

What’s it All About?

The reason I say “Start Here” is that as I write these essays I’m beginning to realise I use the term “values and beliefs” a lot. It seems prudent, then, that I address what these are and how we can define our own.

Most people go through life on auto-pilot without clearly defining their values and beliefs. Life happens to them all the same. 

Without a clear idea of what is important to you, you will be prone to making bad decisions as you fall prey to your mind’s tendency to default to basic desires for safety and acceptance.

You could leave your decision making up to chance and just carry on with no forethought as to how and when you may be making decisions, but you’d effectively be asleep at the wheel – and that’s what’s caused so much discontent, and brought you to where you are today.

Put simply your values and beliefs are a list of the statements/actions/intentions that you see as most important to you. 

This list will act as the foundation for everything when it comes to your mental and emotional wellbeing. 

Your guiding principles inform your decisions, identify your priorities, and shape how you interact with the world.

You can look at it as an operating manual for you. 

Your playbook to guide you when life becomes a challenge.

What Will This Do for Me?

Career

You can have clarity of thought to know which career prospect is right for you. Are you motivated by money or do you want to feel fulfilled and inspired every time you go to work? The societal default is geared towards glorifying financial wealth, but is this really what will make you happy? 

Relationships

You can choose to let go of a painful relationship. Choose to be happy and accept that the relationship is over, that both parties may flourish in their new lives, and realise that holding onto negativity only causes resentment and pain.

Emotional Wellbeing

Perhaps someone or something in your day-to-day life isn’t in alignment with your values and beliefs. This is causing friction in your mental fabric, but you are unsure why. Clarity on your values and beliefs will help you identify the causes of the friction that are eroding your emotional wellbeing, and correct them.

Many corporations spend thousands, or tens of thousands, hiring expensive consultants to establish the core values for their business. A message that binds the component parts, and ensures they are all pointing in the same direction, working towards a shared goal, and that they feel valued and have a story they can buy into.

A clearly defined set of values displays to the wider team and their clients what they are about, how they intend to operate, and what it means to do business with them.

They are saying to their team; “this is what it means to work here”. 

Why would you not do this for yourself? 

Why not say to yourself “this is what it means to be me, this is how I will live, and these are my intentions.” 

Why not give your life a sense of direction, purpose, and meaning?

Your values and beliefs shape your attitude to life, the way you choose to interpret events, and in turn influence how you view the world. 

Why would you leave this to chance? To be blown in whatever direction seemingly random events may push you.

The Importance of Clarity

Clarity of thought is essential when making tough decisions. 

No… scratch that. 

Clarity of thought is essential when making any decision… not just the tough ones. Every decision we make can have an impact on the quality of our overall mental landscape. 

These decisions should ideally be informed by, and be in alignment with, our core values. The set of drivers that lays out how we intend to live, and what values bring us the greatest sense of personal wellbeing.

Clearly defining your core values and beliefs will help you understand the importance of making difficult decisions, and why sometimes the easy decision will hinder you in the long run.

You probably have a vague idea of values that are important to you, a general sense of right and wrong. You will probably know instinctively when you have made a bad decision or when someone is acting in a way that seems unacceptable. But, in the moments you need them, when you are forced to make snap decisions, these values can be hard to access. 

Unless you have clarity, your guiding principles will abandon you as you fumble around and decide to do something that is easy in that moment. You will make decisions that you will regret tomorrow instead of something you will thank yourself for, look back on, and be proud of.

What’s the Process?

“Life is not about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself”

George Bernard Shaw

There is a certain truth in this statement. 

“Finding yourself” implies that if you look hard enough you may stumble across a fully formed version of You. A fully formed version of You that completes the jigsaw of your existence. The answer to life’s hard questions might just miraculously pop into view.

In reality, this takes a certain amount of effort – soul searching, evaluating, re-evaluating, reflection and introspection. While this does involve some amount of discovery it remains that we need to actively start looking and consider how we want our lives to look, the creative aspect of this process should not be overlooked. 

If I were to ask you to write down your values and beliefs, would you know where to start?

The good news is you don’t need to hire expensive performance consultants to establish your list of values and beliefs.

We have many resources at our disposal to help us along this path. Here are just a couple:

If this sounds like a daunting or confusing process I have linked to my article below that outlines my list of values and beliefs and the method I used to create them.

It’s a task that takes probably less than an hour and literally has the power to change your life.

And I don’t use the term “literally” lightly. Not like when you eat a curry and your mouth is “literally” on fire. Or when you haven’t eaten for 4 hours and you are “literally” starving.

No, this list can literally change the way you react to situations and influence the decisions you make in tough life situations. Even the day-to-day ones.

By the end of this process you will have a good sense of the following:

• This is me.
• This is the version of me that I am happy with.
• This is the version of me that makes me proud and lives the way I want to live.
• This is the version of me that I will call on when faced with adversity.

Conclusion

As human beings, we grow and change over time, both emotionally and physically. We gain experience and perspective on life that we didn’t have when we were younger. A cumulation of events may erode our belief in one subject. A monumental life event may radically shift our view on another.

With that in mind, there is no reason to think that our values and beliefs won’t also change over time. We can review and change our values and beliefs as we progress through life. This becomes a matter of subtle calibration. Crystallizing that which you already know, deep down.

Sometimes the decisions that will align with your core values may bring discomfort in the short term, but will eventually reveal a deeper connection to your true self. It is important to have foundations on which we can build our identity, and use as an anchor when we are faced with adversity, to guide us and shape our lives.

I hope that, by the end of reading this, you will feel inspired to compile your own list of values and beliefs and start to reap the rewards that will bring. 

This is a task that, put simply, needs to be done if you are serious about improving the quality of your life.

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